Miley Cyrus’ Parents Break Up And Prompt Thousands Of Achy Breaky Heart Puns

First, The Warriors were blamed for killing Cyrus and now, it’s Billy Ray and Tish’s turn. This clumsy joke is purely for the benefit of those who like watching bleak films about gang violence AND reading up about celebrity gossip (hello to all four of you!).

Anyway, Miley Cyrus’ parents, Billy Ray and Tish, have decided to not love each other anymore, which will invariably prompt Miley to spiral out of control and start hoovering up drugs and having grotty sex in back-streets. Well, that’s what hecklerspray did when its parents split up.

Billy Ray and Tish confirmed yesterday that they are breaking up after 17 years of marriage and will now spend their time pretending that they’re still friends and awkwardly looking at their daughter to see if she is going off the rails.

Like all divorcing couples, they gave a statement to the press while putting all their clothes in bin bags to lob into the back of a car before sleeping on a mate’s sofa ’til they find somewhere to live.

“As you can imagine, this is a very difficult time for our family.”

“We are trying to work through some personal matters. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers.”

The pair have five children and Billy Ray is father to Metro Station’s Trace if that means anything to you.

Both of Miley’s parents have been instrumental in the rise of Miley. Applaud/blame them as applicable.

Of course, Billy Ray starred as Miley’s onscreen father on the Disney show ‘Hannah Montana’ and Miley credited him with helping her maintain a level head despite her mondo fame. Just don’t mention the vaguely racist pictures she took of herself.

“It’s about being who you are. My dad has been in the spotlight for 20 years now and still every time he walks his dog they’re saying, ‘Billy Ray picks up dog poop.”

“It’s like, ‘That’s a law in California, folks.’ You gotta do what you gotta do. That’s life for you. That’s life in the spotlight — it’s never gonna change.”

A fascinating insight into the world of celebrity there eh? Maybe it’s Billy Ray’s shitty mitts that have contributed to the unravelling of his marriage?

Either way, Miley is keen to heap praise on her folks, cryptically saying:

“I’m a very inspirational person. At the end of the day my parents are proud of me, and I have a feeling if your job is to bring other people down, you may not have the same response.”

Huh? Is that a dig at hecklerspray? Anyway, make your own puns involving ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ because we really can’t be bothered.